Sometimes It's Just Better If You Let Go

Well as most of you know my Grandma Welker has been suffering with severe Dementia for the last 6 years or so. She had an operation on her back I don't know how to spell what it was I'll just say how it's pronounced the sy-attic nerve... anyway since then her mind deteriorated and she started out just forgetting small things she'd ask the same question over and over and over again. My mom and dad took care of her day in and day out. Then it got to the point where she needed other people to come and take care of her. She'd forget where she'd put stuff and say that someone stole it from her, or the caregivers would need to drive her car and she'd say they were stealing her car, etc... Anyway, she got to where she couldn't remember being divorced from my grandpa (they got divorced in the 80's when I was like 7). She couldnt remember that my Uncle Dallas passed away and telling her over and over again took a toll on all of us. It was like telling her for the first time each time and it was bitterly painful to watch her cry about it. We would go to visit her and she wouldnt remember we were there. One time I went over and she asked where all her kids were and she didn't even recognize that I was me. It was so hard to see her like that. Anyway.... back in November my parents sent her up to an assisted living community up in Peoria where my Aunt Donna could be near her. She kept sneaking out, because she didn't know where she was and they moved her to a different level where she'd be closer monitored. Well she fell and broke her hip and had to have surgery. Since then she was moved into a nursing home and is now in Hospice. My aunt Donna told me yesterday that they had told her it's not going to be too much longer before she passes away. It's really hard but it goes along with the old saying "Sometimes it's better to let go than to hold onto something that isn't there." And it's true. She's really not "there" anymore. She's not the grandma I've known and loved for 32 years.... she's this frail, skinny old woman who doesn't remember anything. She's not there mentally anymore and she's barely there physically. It will be a huge blessing when she does pass on. We will miss her terribly.... my son David is having a really hard time with this because he is really close to Grandma. I will always remember the good times spent with my Grandma. I'll always remember having fun with my cousins out at the Welker farm in Safford, and getting in trouble with my cousins for playing in the Pomagranant trees (LOL!!!!), I'll always remember her cookies, her home-cooked meals, and all of the cats she used to have out at the farm. I'll remember Christmas' spent there getting pj's and wearing them with my brothers and cousins at the farm. I'll always remember when we helped her move from the farm house after the divorce, not an easy thing to forget because my grandma barney passed away while we were there. I'll always remember the hugs and kisses. Anyway I better stop before I start crying.

Catching Up

Well it has been a while since I've posted so I thought I might better catch you all up to speed. I have fully decided to apply for the Biggest Loser show. I was not going to, but then I've been watching this season and there is a girl on there that when she started out she was as heavy as me.... and she basically has been my inspiration into applying, etc.... I think "well if she can do it, why can't I?" So I'm going into this with the attitude of I may not get it, but even if I don't at least I can say that I tried! If I do get called to go on the show I'm going to need some help with my boys. It'll probably be really hard on them with me being gone for so long and that's the only thing that has kept me from doing this. I've filled out my application and made my video and am sending it in today. It's supposed to be there by the 31st so I'm cutting it kind of close!!!!
Today is David's 10th birthday! This is the first time ever that he has had to go to school on his birthday and he is NOT happy about it. His teacher is not really a nice person and she won't even let him bring cupcakes even though the school said that he could. She's got her favorite students and parents and that is just not right. There's times when she's let kids bring cupcakes there. Anyway.... don't get me started on her.... so anyway as I said he's never had to go to school on his birthday, it's always either been Spring Break, Easter Weekend, Good Friday, etc.... and to add a match to the flame, Report Cards come out today!!!!!! Poor guy! Anyway that's all for now, if I think of something to type again I will. Bye!

Some Questions About Me

1) How many keys are on your keychain?A lot.House Key, Car Key, File Cabinet Key, Mail Key, I guess that's not a lot!
2) If you were given a canvas and watercolors, what would you paint?oh i dont know I can't paint for crap!
3) What do you regard as the most repulsive form of music?none
4) Whose mind, besides your own, would you like to control?the world ha ha ha ha.JUST KIDDING I wouldn't want to control anyone's mind!
5) What is the most dangerous occupation?oh I don't know there's a lot of them
6) What is the first thing you do when you get out of bed?Wake up the boys
7) What do you consider the greatest threat to mankind?Men lol
8) If you could project yourself into the past, where would you go?Theres lots of times Id like to go...
9) What are you thankful you are not doing right now?I'm thankful that I'm not with jerkface anymore!
10) What is your favorite kind of candy?Chocolate.
11) What is your favorite thing about the beach?I havent been to a beach in 17 years and you expect me to answer that?
12) If you were invisible, where would you go?ooooo Lots of places!!!! And no I'm not thinking dirty either!
13) What is one object in your home that you are embarrassed to own?nothing
14) Fill in the blank; When I dance, I look like:no comment
15) Who is one person you wish you would have never met?I really don't want to answer that question.
16) What is your favorite fruit?Strawberries, Grapes & Watermelon! Oh and i love fresh pineapple and kiwi! Fresh blackberries are pretty dang shnazzy too!
17) What is your favorite kind of cookie?not a big cookie fan... however I love cookie dough..... i know i'm retarded ok?!
18) If you were an evil dictator, where would you rule?oh I don't know there's lots of places! ha ha
19) What do you need to get right now at the drug storeIf they sold lives I'd get one!
20) What song do you keep hearing over and over again?"Mouth Shut" by The Veronica's good song! has lots of meaing to me
21) What was the happiest age of your life?childhood and in 2006
22) What is your favorite piece of clothing that you own?my black cami that I wear under my shirts. into the whole layered look.When you have a long torso you have to layer!
23) What two words describe your lifestyle?crazy/laid back
24) Which ocean creature fascinates you most?Dolphins and fishies
25) On a scale of 1-10; how religious are you?9-10
26) What historical figure would you most like to have a discussion with?Several come to mind.... Abe Lincoln, The Earp brothers, Martin Luther King Jr., J Rockefeller (I'm actually in a roundabout way related to him but..... I cant remember how and not close enough to have the money!!!), I'd love to knock Bruce Ismay upside the head (from the Titanic story yes he was a real person and yes he was a yellowlivered snake), people from the titanic (captain, passengers, survivors etc...), lots of people!
27) What colors look best on you?Black, Blues and Greens & purples.Pink does too
28) What is your favorite thing about being sick?ok are you demented? I hate being sick!
29) Whats new?nuttin much whats new with you?
30) Why are you here right now?because I have no life and I'm bored
31) What commercial do you find most annoying?don't watch tv so when I do I would have to say all of them!
32) What was your favorite meal growing up?My mom's chicken fried steak or her pizza (all of you who know my mom would agree to this)
33) If you had to spend the rest of your life in one place, where would it be?Pacific Islands
34) Fill in the blank; I am so much smarter than:a lot of people ... and what they think I am apparently
35) What one person or thing reminds you of the 80s?Tammi. Because we love the 80's.... movies, music, etc...
36) What is college really good for?duh learning, getting a degree, etc...
37) Where is the most beautiful place you have ever been?The Temple... and will again one day! *sigh* oh and the white mountains (fave place to be besides the temple)
38) What body part aches you the most right now?my head from lack of sleep & my hands (think I might be getting carpal tunnel or arthritis)
39) When is the angriest you have ever been?when my ex made me snap a couple of months ago.
40) What do you waste your time doing?internet
41) On a scale of 1-10; how much do you trust people?I trusted too much and look where it got me!
42) If you were forced to choose your own death, how would you die?while I'm sleeping so I don't feel nothin
43) On a scale of 1-10; how photogenic are you?0
44) What aspect of your personality could use a little work?a lot!
45) What is your greatest addiction?men unfortunately!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
46) What issue are you sick of hearing about?that octomom, the economy, barack osama ooops i mean obama, etc.... lots of issues!
47) If you were a professional wrestler, what would your ring name be?i dont know.... blue eyed monster? rofl!!!!!
48) What language would you like to master?Spanish, French & Italian
49) What is your favorite dish at a Chinese restaurant?Chicken Lo Mein, or Sweet & Sour Chicken I LOVE chinese food... those are just my faves
50) Who would you least likely expect a phone call from?the ex.... he better not ever call me again!
51) What is the longest you have ever gone without a shower?ewwwwwwww like a few days at girls camp the year we go out hiking and stay I believe back then it was called The adventurer year..... now its something different
52) What is the saddest movie you have ever seen?there's lots of them steel magnolias, Titanic, The Notebook ( cant get through those 3 without crying)
54) Where is the worst place to be stuck waiting?an elevator if your severely chlostrophobic like I am!
55) What is the cutest animal on Earth?baby animals
56) Name one celebrity that has no right being a celebrity.right now I think Kristen Stewart.... she did a good job on Twilight but I think they should have picked someone else.
57) What hobby have you always wanted to pick up?drawing, painting

25 Random Things

Here are 25 random facts about me

1. I was adopted at birth and found my birth "mother" about 5 years ago.

2. I have 2 older brothers, 4 nieces and 4 nephews.

3. My Zodiac sign is Pisces

4. I am 32 years old (as of February 19)

5. I am addicted to reading the Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer

6. I am the coolest dork you will ever know.

7. I have a weird ocd about skittles and m & m's.... I color coat them and eat them according to color.

8. I have been coloring my hair for so long that I don't even know what my actual hair color should be now.

9. When I was a little girl, I used to dream of becoming a make-up artist and a hair-stylist (till my cousin Missy ruined it by telling me horror stories about the hair she used to have to do when she was in college! ewwwww I still remember a couple stories! Traumatized me for life!

10. I love music from every genre. There's hardly any music that I don't like. I don't like much Rap (crap) which is also Retarded Attempt at Poetry.

11. Loud screamo music calms me down when I'm thouroughly ticked off.

12. When I clean I have to have loud music on or I don't get much done... it gets me going I guess you could say.

13. My dad is a big time smart-alek.... and I'm turning out just like him even saying some of the things he says.

14. My mom taught early morning seminary off and on for 15 years. She was never my seminary teacher though... she was Relief Society president when I was in High School until my last year and by that time I was in St. David school and had release time seminary.

15. I graduated from St. David High School in 1996.

16. I have 2 boys named David & Daniel.

17. My eyes change color with the colors that I wear and also with my moods. Even cooler than that my oldest son has one eye that is half hazel green and half hazel brown! (when he was a baby it was half blue half green)

18. My favorite colors are pink, light blue, dark green, burgundy, navy and black oh and lavendar and purple.

19. I want to write a book one day.

20. I write poetry (but sadly havent in a while and should again.)

21. My parents have been married for 45 years this September.

22. My nephew Tyler was born on my mom and dad's anniversary (and it was also Ironically labor day)

23. Both of my children were born Cesarean Section.

24. I have lots of nick-names

25. Even though I'm adopted people always tell me I look like the Barney's and like the Welker's.

Time Is Flying

Well here we are and it's almost at the end of Feburary already! Holy cow! It seems like it was just barely the new year! I have less than a year to lose weight and stuff before we head out to Disneyland!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyone wanna count Weight Watcher's points with me??????????????????

We are planning to go the first week of December. FUN FUN!!!! I so cannot wait! The last time I went to Disneyland was for my Senior Trip back in 1996 so it's been a while. lol. They were close to finishing California Adventure park when we were there. The boys are so past excited for the trip. We've been meaning to go for a couple of years now.... but something has always happened or gone wrong.... so this year WE ARE GOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! woooo! I'm so excited! I love Disneyland! My mom was talking about how we needed to go before the kids grow out of it..... hello! I just turned 32 on Thursday and I still am just excited to go to disneyland as I was as a child! lol!

All Time Faves (some are still there some are gone now but still my faves and in no particular order)

Matterhorn

Space Mountain

Splash Mountain

Thundermountain Railroad

Country Bears (not there anymore)

Tea Cups

Small World (ULTIMATE FAVE!!!!)

Pirates of the Carribean (and I've heard it's changed)

SNOW DAY!!!!!

WOW! What an awesome surprise to wake up this morning and find that it snowed all night long and actually STUCK! And thick too! So we also got a phone call this morning saying that school was cancelled for the day so my boys got to play in some really thick (well thick for us) snow for the first time. They had so much fun. They threw snowballs at eachother, made snow angels, attempted to build a snowman, etc... we had so much fun!!!! It was FREEZING but so worth it!!!!! What was the best part about it though was what David said about it. He said "Mommy when I say my prayers tonight I am going to thank Heavenly Father for sending us snow and making it stick because it is a Beautiful and wonderful gift from our Heavenly Father". What an amazing little boy he is. Oh the faith of children!!!

Life is getting better

Well as all of you know, I was having a pretty rough patch there in my life.... but.... I can happily say that things are going a lot better. With the help of a kind and merciful and forgiving Heavenly Father and 2 of the most loving parents anyone could ever ask for and also loving family and friends I am pulling through and I am on my way to recovery. It's a long rough road ahead of me.... but I am enduring it and I have taken the right steps to recovery and I WILL get to where I need to be and I WILL stay there!