Sometimes It's Just Better If You Let Go

Well as most of you know my Grandma Welker has been suffering with severe Dementia for the last 6 years or so. She had an operation on her back I don't know how to spell what it was I'll just say how it's pronounced the sy-attic nerve... anyway since then her mind deteriorated and she started out just forgetting small things she'd ask the same question over and over and over again. My mom and dad took care of her day in and day out. Then it got to the point where she needed other people to come and take care of her. She'd forget where she'd put stuff and say that someone stole it from her, or the caregivers would need to drive her car and she'd say they were stealing her car, etc... Anyway, she got to where she couldn't remember being divorced from my grandpa (they got divorced in the 80's when I was like 7). She couldnt remember that my Uncle Dallas passed away and telling her over and over again took a toll on all of us. It was like telling her for the first time each time and it was bitterly painful to watch her cry about it. We would go to visit her and she wouldnt remember we were there. One time I went over and she asked where all her kids were and she didn't even recognize that I was me. It was so hard to see her like that. Anyway.... back in November my parents sent her up to an assisted living community up in Peoria where my Aunt Donna could be near her. She kept sneaking out, because she didn't know where she was and they moved her to a different level where she'd be closer monitored. Well she fell and broke her hip and had to have surgery. Since then she was moved into a nursing home and is now in Hospice. My aunt Donna told me yesterday that they had told her it's not going to be too much longer before she passes away. It's really hard but it goes along with the old saying "Sometimes it's better to let go than to hold onto something that isn't there." And it's true. She's really not "there" anymore. She's not the grandma I've known and loved for 32 years.... she's this frail, skinny old woman who doesn't remember anything. She's not there mentally anymore and she's barely there physically. It will be a huge blessing when she does pass on. We will miss her terribly.... my son David is having a really hard time with this because he is really close to Grandma. I will always remember the good times spent with my Grandma. I'll always remember having fun with my cousins out at the Welker farm in Safford, and getting in trouble with my cousins for playing in the Pomagranant trees (LOL!!!!), I'll always remember her cookies, her home-cooked meals, and all of the cats she used to have out at the farm. I'll remember Christmas' spent there getting pj's and wearing them with my brothers and cousins at the farm. I'll always remember when we helped her move from the farm house after the divorce, not an easy thing to forget because my grandma barney passed away while we were there. I'll always remember the hugs and kisses. Anyway I better stop before I start crying.